Hope the Size of Helium

helium-balloons

It was one of those cool unisex names you hear spoken over a spunky three-year-old tomboy with ringlets– a name like Charlie, Jessie, Bobbie, and Jordan. In order to protect the innocent, I’ll call her Johnnie. The first time I met Johnnie is imprinted in my mind—branded even. I had just moved into a shotgun house on the other side of the tracks . . . you know the side where the white folks turn honey brown, and the corner store sells more lottery tickets and liquor than food.

My neighborhood was not frequented by family much, and my mother refused to visit in her sports car after my car was vandalized. The trunk busted open. The windows shattered.

We had one air conditioning unit and several rooms missing ceilings tiles. We had a refrigerator but no stove. For cooking purposes, I used an electric skillet to accommodate the microwave. The dark paneled walls left much to be desired, and unbeknownst to me, there was a rat infestation in the building at the end of my backyard. On this particular night in summer, I was hot and slightly pregnant. I had gone outside to sit on the porch and look up at the moon, feel the breeze blow upon my perspiring neck and try to cool off a bit.

As I sat there a man approached me and began to talk smack. He made sexual advances. His eyes shifting up and down and then his words began to make me nervous. He was darker than honey brown—a warm charcoal. It would be hours before my then husband would be home from his second job delivering pizzas. I couldn’t breathe. I eyed the distance from the steps by the sidewalk to my front door. My children were sleeping. Suddenly out of nowhere Johnnie was standing behind the man and swifter than a jack rabbit she jumped up and grabbed his arm. I heard the click of her switchblade before I heard her voice that bellowed, ‘Nigga touch this girl and I’ll kill ya. I’ll drain your blood all over the sidewalk. Understand? Now get on outta here.” I watched the man stagger on down the sidewalk mouthing words unheard of in my familiar circles.

I looked up at this savior–this woman who was smiling from ear to ear and began to thank her and explain how I wasn’t sure what I would have done if she hadn’t come along at just the right time. My eyes, however, were carefully watching the knife and her hands that slid it back down in her front pocket.

She smiled even wider, her gold front tooth catching the street light. “Girl, he knows better than to mess with Johnnie Portman! You saw his tired @##% get on down the street didn’t ya. HA HA!” “My name’s Johnnie and you must be my new neighbor. Yep, that’s my little house next door.”

She pointed to the brown shotgun house on the left side of me with pride. She held her arms out and gave me a hug I will never forget. It was a hug that had several layers of good fat; the kind of fat that smells like cornbread and greens, fried pork fat and biscuits made with real lard. Her body grabbed me and enveloped me in a sandwich type style hold.

“Anyone around here try and mess with you just call oh Jonnie. I’ll make sure you’re okay. Aright?” Alright then, shoot. You don’t really need to be out here at night alone, though. Understand?”

I nodded. Smiled. Tilted my head down nervously then back up again.

“Girl, you not from around here are ya?”

“No, I must admit I’m not. Thanks for looking out for me.

The summer of 1991, Johnnie taught me things I would never learn at a college or a church house. Like the time I had to gas up for work on an early Sunday morning and was confronted by a man who was drunk, reeking and had obviously been in a fight by the blood and cuts on his hand and dress shirt. He didn’t look homeless. He had a nice suit coat and dress pants on. He tried to grab my purse and began asking for my money. I looked him directly in the eye, and in Johnnie fashion said, “I don’t have any money and I’m on my way to work. Now go inside and clean yourself up. You’re drunk.” He looked stunned but headed towards the door of the corner store. He had obeyed me like the man Johnnie had told to get on down the road.

Somehow I had moved to this area of town and reached this place of poverty and loss through events that caused a chain reaction. I was uneducated, pregnant with a third, and at times depressed. Johnnie helped me get through many social issues and spiritual issues. She had a way of making me believe and hope. My place of poverty was her place of rescue. It was her new beginnings. Her glasses revealed things my glasses couldn’t see.

I’ll never forget the first time I was invited over to Johnnie’s house and ushered into her living room. She smiled her amazing smile and took off her flip flop to swat a cock roach that she declared was just greeting me at the door. As I made my way into the kitchen I met her son and daughter who were both pleasant and excited to get to know me– their mysterious new neighbor. Johnnie was wearing a housecoat and she had a comb stuck in her hair. She had attitude and big beautiful eyes. She also had a huge iron skillet and in the midst of cockroaches crunching under my shoes she was carefully and meticulously frying up chicken Colonel Sander’s would have coveted.

Her daughter squashed a roach and looked at me and made a face. “I hate these bugs mama!” she said. I’m scared they will crawl inside my ears while I’m asleep or worse my mouth.” I shook my head and said how sorry I was while trying to refrain from leaping atop the table and screaming for the Orkin man to come and fumigate the place!

Johnnie brushed it off and acted as if she wasn’t aware of how many roaches were greeting her guest.

Instead, she ushered me back into the front room and began to show off her new black sofa and love seat. “I got this at rent a center. Just got rid of my tired little couch last week.” she pointed to her new glass coffee table and bragged. Johnnie was taking me on a tour of her little house like many who live in mansions would do. She loved it here. It was much better than the last place she lived. “We hardly ever hear any gun shots,” she said. I sighed, thinking about the sights and sounds of my new environment.

It was finally starting to sink in. I had been thrust into a social status I was not familiar with. Sure, at my ripe age of 23, I had felt eviction, gone without electric–scrounged for food and watched my husband turn the water back on from the main shut off. However, now I had entered a place I had not been raised in. I didn’t understand the language, but thank Abba Father, I had a friend. This friend would help me survive, make me smile, love me for who I was and cause my children’s eyes to light up every time she made an appearance.

One night I told Johnnie that we should go to the store and gets some bombs to let off and kill all the roaches. I told her I needed some as well and would share with her. Even though I lacked ceilings and a stove, I had not seen any roaches. We carted her kids off to spend the night with family and sealed up the windows. The next morning after sweeping up the dead bugs and cleaning the floors, I was thanked by her daughter who told me she thought she would find it easier to sleep now.

A few months later, I asked her son and daughter what color they would like their rooms to be painted. The young man wanted blue. He was named after a great Italian poet, but I’m sure he nor his mother who placed the title on him knew this. Honestly, I didn’t at the time. This was before my art history class and English 101. Her daughter wanted a pink or purple room like most girls her age, and I set out to help them with what little I had to give.

One morning, after the bombing of bugs, Johnnie sent her daughter over to get me. She was frying country steaks, crispy potatoes and making buttery biscuits. “I’ve got plenty,” she said. I noticed a bottle of bleach and a mop and began to clean, sweep up dead roaches and press the bleach filled mop hard against the linoleum until its dark sticky brown turned a speckled robin blue. Johnnie’s boyfriend came in from the bedroom to the kitchen and looked as surprised to see a white gal mopping his floor as he did the blue color that had laid dormant underneath.

He smiled and said, “Wow, it looks nice in here. Johnnie introduced us. He grabbed his food and kissed his woman and then made his way back down the hall where he would collide on the mattress in front of the small t.v. Johnnie’s kids ran from their rooms to the kitchen, back and forth bringing me pictures they’d colored, grades they had made that they were proud of. Her young son had won a creative writing contest for young authors. Maybe she knew more about his name than I had given her credit.

My children ended up playing with her children and their cousins. Family warned me to keep my sons away from the children there, but what harm could possibly come from children running through dirt passing the hours away with make believe games? Were we different from them? No, and our children found ways in the midst of poverty to laugh, hide, kick balls, run, play and eat their share of cold leftover pizzas. No color lived there.

Johnnie knew about life and she knew about death. She’d lost family to senseless drugs and yes, shots fired. One night, Johnnie pointed to each house on the street and one by one informed me of who lived there. She knew who was hooked on crack or some other substance. Who was a God fearing man and who was a nosy woman.

She named whose dirty kids those were on the corner and how whenever they came to her house she’d give them baths because she never knew if they had water or not. Johnnie was cleaning things more important than floors.

Dinners were shared many a night and her food stamps supplied a few staple items when things were lean. One night after Johnnie had bought a lottery ticket she looked at me and said, “When I win the lottery, I am going to get off these little food stamps.” I said, “Well, Johnnie with millions you could eat dinner in a different country every night.” She had no idea what even a million dollars was. She lacked math skills but not love. She brought me half of her government cheese and I gave her half my towels I found at a yard sale. She brought my boy’s soda pops and Cheetos and hugged them in Johnnie fashion and when the day came that I went into labor Johnnie came over and cleaned my house. She folded my clothes and picked up the toys. When my relatives and family members showed up to see the baby, they were quite surprised to see Johnnie embracing my Samuel in cornbread pork fat fashion. Her eyes lit up as she looked down at my son like he was part of her.

Anytime she came by to visit she would walk in and look me in the eye, that gold tooth shining and exclaim, “Give me my lil white baby!”

Gosh, I loved her. How I miss her. I wonder if her son is writing. I wonder if her daughter is a mother now. I can still taste her chicken, her words, and her heart. She forever changed my view of the world and my voice as a writer. Wherever you are tonight Johnnie, thank you for saving me on a hot summer night and for sharing all your wealth with me! Your wealth was what helped me get through many rough nights and when I packed up and moved back across town into a lower middle-class subdivision, the smallest unkempt house on the street, I was ecstatic. Every room had ceilings and the back yard was fenced in. There were no dilapidated buildings with rats or mice–no bugs greeting friends at the door. The back yard had a bright green substance called grass and the front porch was safe enough to sit on most nights at any hour and gaze up at the moon. However, no one brought me or my children golden smiles, packaged cheese, and hope the size of giant helium balloons.

Photo: incargade.com

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