My Funeral

 

A very peculiar thing began creeping into my brain a few months ago–something a person just shy of 50 years young doesn’t think about much unless they are terminally ill or just received a death sentence. Yes, the big D and I don’t mean divorce. Death started creeping up on me when I was living at my dad’s house and my husband and I were frantically looking for a house—somewhere to put down roots. A place to call our own. One night I dreamed and heard a voice say, “I know where you are going to move, “Cemetery Road.” Now, I had been very sick there and hospitalized five times and lost the use of my right arm for a bit. I wasn’t sleeping well and I was often short of breath. The dream gave me the creeps and also made me realize I had to move. We landed in an apartment and are still waiting for a “Then suddenly.” But it seems after that, death began to be something I pondered and not in a dark way but just a way that made me think more about our travels here.
Who would I want to speak at my funeral? What type of music or band would I like to have? Could I have a buffet and drinks and laughter, dancing, and storytelling at my wake? Why not. And what would people say about my few and difficult years here? Did my life matter? Did it have worth? Did it help change or encourage any? Have you ever pondered your life in this manner?
Later on the thoughts began to snowball until one evening almost a year later I am sitting at my sisters and her daughter, who has an amazing voice by the way, begins to blurt out a song that I treasure and I suddenly say, “Can you sing that and play the piano at my funeral?” She looks at me like the strange nut job I am and says, “I guess, but you’re not dying.” And that’s when my spiritual lightbulb went off.
Yes, death is something we ALL must do while we are alive if we want to live forever. Read that last line again and let it sink in. Suddenly, I had this thought, “Just go ahead and die. Get it over with.” Trust me, in the long run, it will save us from many things and many troubles.

If you have a desire to do some sort of ministry for Him, even better to die and get it over with. They all had to die.  When one of the disciple’s mother’s requested for her son to sit at Jesus/ Yeshua’s right hand, he answers like this, ““You people don’t know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am about to drink?” They said to him, “We can.” He said to them, “Yes, you will drink my cup.” Matthew 20:22-23. They drank it alright. Peter was crucified upside down. Paul was crucified. They were beheaded, boiled, stabbed, stoned and Bartholomew was skinned alive and then beheaded. I could keep going but just to wrap this up, none of them were spared. No binding and yelling at satan, no angels came and rescued John the Baptist. No bright lights and escaping of the cup they all drank. But I am talking about a different death.
What if we all died to our own fleshly wants and needs. Yes, what if we Died to the dreams we have and the visions that you and I have dreamed from our own hearts–Die to pride—riches and material wealth—die to accolades of men and titles–die to fame and esteem–die to winning the “I won more souls than you contest”—it never happened.
Die to your wishes of fame and fortune and all the rulership of being king. Die to control, and addiction and backbiting and being right and being religious and politically brilliant and just go ahead and die like Jesus/Yeshua did after fasting 40 days and being tempted in EVERY AREA. What if for a moment we were only left with what we had obtained in the spirit?
I know some of you are thinking what a horrible blog post.
Anyone who was ever anybody great died to live. Joseph did. Moses did. King David did. Ruth did.
What’s the best way to commit suicide? We can die the quickest way by laying on the altar and becoming a living sacrifice.  I had a dream last year that involved my mother, who has passed away in the natural–her and my father and I were at a booth in a café and while we were there I raised my leg up on the table and pulled up my pant leg and showed them my leg which had hair the length of a horse’s mane. ‘I said look how long I have been fasting.” Now, this has not happened yet but I feel it coming. I’ve fasted in the past. As a matter a fact I used to fast three days a week when I was in deliverance ministry and had to face tortured souls and demonic spirits. I have fasted this year and even made it seven days, but we both know this is something we do in secret. I am bringing it up in order to teach a little. What do we fast for? Job promotions, success, material possessions, a growing ministry, fame, fortune, harmony, great blessings on our seed and so forth or to meet the adversary in the desert and be tempted in all points and have our flesh die?
I feel the need to just go ahead like Isaac who was over 25 years old and some historians and scholars believe he was 33 years old, the same age of Yeshua when he went up a hill with his dad to be a sacrifice. He went and said, father, I think you better tie me down because what if I out of instinct raise up or move and the knife does not go in. OH MY!
“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” Revelations 12:11.
Shrink from death? Oh, there is power there to stand and face death until the last little twinge of pride is buried. The last little twig is snapped.
“Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” John 12:24.
Many special qualities reside in dead people. Dead people don’t care about what they look like or vanity. Dead people don’t care about their PHD’s.  Dead people don’t get offended. You can kick a dead person and they won’t even rare up and kick you back. Dead people don’t gossip and they aren’t prideful. They have no desire to build a kingdom here. They’re dead.
Have you ever answered this question as they did? “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8.
If so, then He is going to do surgery on you and your heart. He will get in there and examine every piece of the stinkin thing. Oh, I know, your heart is not in the condition of mine. There’s nothing stinking and rotten like four day old Lazarus in your heart—no, no, that’s for people who don’t attend a weekly service. (Sarcasm) My husband was praying the other day and he said, “Father you know our hearts.” I heard the Spirit say, “And that is the problem.”
Just let us get angry or hurt, cut off in traffic, left on hold, accused wrongfully,  of judged on our job and see what comes out of our mouth. From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So I was thinking about this funeral party and I have decided I’d rather die here than die forever. I’d rather face death now then lose the glory and everlasting life. I’d rather let the surgeon get His scalpel out and begin cutting away the flesh. Because I am looking forward to the day I rise up and although I know every knee will bow, I do not want to hear him say, “Go away, I never knew you.”
So I was thinking about that day we will rise up at the last Trump and about one of the songs I requested my niece to sing. I’ve tweaked the words a bit by Andra Day. I hope you like it.
I leave you with this question: What do you need to die to today?
“You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry-go-round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see HIM in you so the Holy Spirit’s gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the GRAVE
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you [4x]

When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying and dying brings ultimate peace
But I promise we’ll humbly bow at HIS feet
And move mountains
Bring it to HIS feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again!

Blessings!

Tekoa

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Photo by wicker willow coffins

10 thoughts on “My Funeral

  1. LOVE this post! Is that morbid, lol? Die to live or live to die; I pick the former, but it is a very real battle with my flesh! (:

    Also, your dream intrigued me. Was the hair on your leg really like a horses mane or was that writer’s exaggeration? Fasting is taming the beast/flesh within, so it wasn’t just about the length of the fast, but your flesh submitting to the Spirit. And it was your lower leg– your walk and your beast of burden (flesh)– there was noticeable change! Amen! I’m always amazed by the metaphors that God uses in our dreams. (:

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  2. I really need to call you or answer your last email! I need to find you on Facebook and add you to my dream and interpretation site.
    I fell asleep last night reading your newest blog on submitting.
    Getting ready to grab a cup and finish up.
    I have some crazy dreams. Love the fact that the Creator of all things would give me riddles in my sleep!!! How cool is that? My last dreams involved a couple thiefs stealing this rare food I made at a restaurant I owned. My husband was helping bag and box Togo items. He kept saying you can’t get this food very many places. It’s exotic– people are loving it. A then saw a large truck was pulling up and going through the back door stealing it– the second dream- came back to back. while I was taking a to -go order over the phone and my hubby was boxing and bagging the food, I saw a man open a register and steal all the cash out of the drawer.
    I woke up and said Father do you want me to open a restaurant? I love to cook but I couldn’t do that with my disability.”
    He said, you already make food that’s rare, your books. Your husband bags the food- makes the covers and packages, and there is theft going on.”
    I called Amazon the other day and uncovered some things, but I’m going to look for a local publisher.
    Anyways, LOVE all the food you make K! ALL!

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  3. I got out my dream book and I was mistaken on the date. It seems I dreamed this in 2014, but yes, it looked draped over like a horses mane. Probably 5 inches or so? Im really bad with math. lol

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  4. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about death. Perhaps because I lost my favorite people so early in childhood. Or perhaps I began volunteering in nursing homes at age 14 – was a nurse aide for five years and a registered nurse for 37-years. I have seen death, smelled death, shared death, grieved and mourned death with my beloved patients, their families and friends. I used to attend all their funerals but it got to be too much . . . I know what my obit will say, I know where my body will lie but the real me will be far beyond this world (which is not my home.)
    Bless you in your work and may you bring new life to an old fear.

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    • My beautiful friend and cousin. I know you have seen death up close and personal and what a blessing it must have been to have you for a caregiver in someone’s last days– hours– I can’t think of a sweeter soul to wipe a brow or speak a kind word. I love you dearly!

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  5. I love you too! I love your books! Wow! I wish I could help promote them but because I didn’t buy them on Amazon or Good reads, I am not allowed to review them. Too bad, I would give them 5 stars. Thank you for being your wonderful self!

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  6. Pingback: Are You shittim me? | Obadiah's Cave

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