Bloody Horses

 

white horse's right eye

A couple of years ago, I dreamt that I had a horse farm where I trained and broke beautiful horses. They were all blonde with beautiful manes. One morning I was awakened by two women that helped me train them. They were crying out in distress. Someone had cut up all my horses, and they were a bloody mess. Their bellies had been sliced open and there necks. The dream had more details, but it ended with me kissing the hands of the woman who did this to me, but that came after I whipped her with a horsewhip on her cheeks. Oh, vey!

 At the time, I wondered if this had something to do with my school for the prophets, but a friend suggested it might be connected to my books or identity. 

I noticed something last year and the year before that truly bothered me. I mentioned a particular minister who needed prayer desperately to another person in leadership. They warned me not to associate with them. It was subtle, and there was some reasoning behind it. I listened. There was another ministry I used to glean from that they too spoke about with negativity. The facts they presented made the well-known ministry seem ignorant and possibly anti-Jewish. Soon I noticed that the person was suspicious or critical of many people who were in leadership. I realized later that I had stopped reading from some of the sites due to the seeds planted. I noticed that when others mentioned them in a positive light, instead of voicing my love for them, I was silent now. If they planted seeds about others, they more than likely did about me as well. 

 How many times have we done the same? Guilty. Do we do this in different ways? How culpable is His Body of shedding blood?

Eventually, I noticed my books sales declining and then more dreams with warnings. Sometimes we mean well to point out the flaws of others we see, but what type of harm do we unknowingly cause? Isolation. Miriam learned a hard lesson. Athaliah murdered all her grandchildren or nephews/nieces to get the crown and be in the spotlight. We can murder with our tongues.

man wearing white and brown sport shirt

I sometimes wonder if we realize what our bloody fingers can do to another’s character, work, identity, and ministry? How we can cut up people and paint them with brushes that cause others to remove themselves from them or look at them in a different light—to look at the person with less honor. Suppose we are pointing out how inadequate a person is to teach or write books— how they lack Hebrew knowledge, truth, empathy, compassion, or how they got this wrong or were unprofessional, when in reality, possibly the said person saw a different side of the diamond. Perhaps their error caused many of us to dig deeper into His Word for treasures, or use more compassion.

This doesn’t just happen in ministry. It happens in circles, families, friendships. It’s heartbreaking. 

I’ve been dealing with ghosting or the silent treatment for about a decade now. In our busy world, we can forget to respond to calls, text, or emails. I rarely respond to messenger. I’m guilty of not getting back to people, but I try my best to. Some of the silence I’ve dealt with has been gut-wrenching. Family members have unfriended and blocked me due to slander. Many accomplishments were met with silence. Exciting news or suffering tragedy was met with silence. This ghosting has had me ask myself, what am I doing wrong? Have I been laboring for nothing or worse, my own ego? Is my work helping anyone heal or unlearn lies? Is some of my fruit bad? Smelly? Abba show us our fruit. The Father has used this for His Glory. It has helped me mature in many ways. I am still a work in progress. 

orange fruits on brown wooden table

Working on the Spirit of Leviathan has helped me look at David’s journey closer. When we read passages from his pen, we can see and feel great emotion. Even if our mother and father forsake us, Our Heavenly Father will not. There’s nothing worse than giving birth, and no one congratulating you on your baby or standing naked and no one bringing a blanket or being hungry and no one bringing food or being broken, sick, or angry and no one having healing balm. Silence is not golden. And especially when a person close to us once upon a time is now someone we dodge or won’t speak to. We stop going to the gatherings because facing them is too painful.

Pride and ego are silent killers.

This Ghosting and silence have caused me to look internally at who I answer right away and who I don’t, who I treat with more honor, and why. It’s also caused me to ask myself why I want to contact specific people or be a part of certain groups. Why am I writing this book or that one? I’ve stepped back from just going to events and seeking Him first to see if He wants me there. I’ve stepped back from going to online classes and teachings, gatherings, etc., to work on my journey–to do an inventory of my heart. To look through the work of my hands and polish what needs it. 

 Acceptance feels good. Silence can feel horrible. We can join groups or be influenced by others and disregard those the leaders feel don’t measure up or deserve the honor. There is a pecking order. Study your chickens. They often peck the eyeballs out of the newcomers.

Many times we unknowingly do things for reward and attention. As a lover of dreams, I have been following Pastor Coverstone’s dreams and the latest one had many symbols that interested me. His congregation is a short 20-minute drive from my dad’s house. I decided to write him a letter and interpret a dream he had. I wanted to meet him and give it to him. I finally asked myself, why? Do I want accolades for a gift Abba gave me that I often am not the best at, including my own dreams? Do I want recognition? What if this pastor was interested in learning more about the Hebraic roots of his faith. Couldn’t I show him in interpretation some of this? Possibly things he has missed? I finally decided against it because I do not know my heart condition. Do you know yours?

hands formed together with red heart paint

 Paul said:

“Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus/ Yeshua Christ/ Messiah, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment. For I have been informed concerning you, my brethren, by Chloe’s people, that there are quarrels among you. Now I mean this, that each one of you is saying, “I am of Paul,” and “I of Apollos,” and “I of Cephas,” and “I of Christ.” Has Christ been divided? Paul was not crucified for you, was he? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, so that no one would say you were baptized in my name. Now I did baptize also the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized any other. For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.” (I Cor. 1:10-17). 

 Corinthian has a leadership crisis. Small cliques have attached themselves to leaders in whom they idolize. Their method of teaching and immersing has become top-notch, powerful, and in their eyes, the essence of wisdom. Paul calls it cleverness of speech that makes Messiah void. Oh, friends, Messiah must be lifted up. The apostle is going to straighten it out. Where are the apostles today? Where is the prophet? Where are the Elders who are capable of teaching instead of only one man or one woman that many have exalted? When will we see a body that is like this one in Corinth? “When you come together, everyone has a psalm or a teaching, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. All of these must be done to build up the church” (I Corinthians 14:26). Where is everyone? 

Yeshua said,

“For he who is least among you all is the one who is great.” ( Luke 9:48). 

Who is the least? Who is humble? Who gives all glory back to Abba? We can do better. We can treat others better. We can sit with the outcast in the lunchroom. We can see the beauty in those who may be wounded and need gentle healing. They may be little lambs who need training. We can find what’s pure and lovely in others even if they need a good spin on the Potter’s wheel. I’ve needed a slap or two myself. Who hasn’t?

If the least is greatest among us, where would we find them? Are they hidden behind the scenes? Walking And working out their own salvation. Sitting with the lepers. 

Why doesn’t Yeshua’s brother start his book out with James, author, teacher, apostle, Hebrew scholar, the brother of the Messiah Himself–instead of James, a servant of Adonai, and Yeshua Messiah? Paul addressed his readers as “Paul, a servant of Yeshua Messiah, called to be an apostle, and set apart for the gospel of God.” (Romans 1:1).

How far have we traveled from being a servant? Not a slave, a servant. 

Do we act like servants? 

Do we treat others the way the Father would treat them? 

During this time of introspection, I’ve been thinking much about a dream my husband had five years ago. 

There was a giant snake that had gotten into a church building ( mega). He could see it, but no one else did. It was in the front lobby area. As he walked through the hallways outside the sanctuary, he noticed a huge painting or picture on the wall. He was taking it down and hanging a much smaller picture up. His earthly father walked past with the pastor and looked back at him. That much smaller picture is really about our personal intimacy with Him and about helping widows, orphans, and poor without making a loud noise. It’s a humble picture of His Body mature and unified as servants—a community. We only need ten for a congregation, not 10,000.

brown and black snake

Jealousy is not humble. King Saul was small in his own eyes once upon a time, but then later, he became jealous and fearful of a lowly shepherd. 

How can we slaughter horses and yet keep riding on ours? The leadership in Yeshua’s day wanted the best seats. Accolades and to be seen by man. Are we any different? Ego wants recognition, but Adonai sees our heart condition. And we are held accountable for our words or lack thereof. Do we want to be recognized by others? Is all our righteousness as filthy rags?

If you’ve been cut up by hands shedding blood, you’re in good company. They said the Messiah cast out devils by The prince of demons. They called him and John gluttons, drunkards, a friend of sinners. At the end of the day, we pray for those slicing and dicing, and we pray for our own flesh that is quick to judge others during a time of introspection instead of looking at our hearts. We tap or speak through our phones, and we fly words through the air that can’t be caught and taken back. How can we get better at this thing we call fellowship? How can we be better at speaking life? Who is the greatest among us? When the world grows darker, those who are broken and lost won’t care about our theology, how we pronounce his name, or if we know Hebrew, they will care if we have compassion and love, healing balm. Oh, friends, we can do better, I believe. 

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Merri Trifiro says:

    This the third time I have tried posting my comment…each time I went to post, I accidentally hit something that ckicked me out of it, and erased my comment. Oy….

    But just want to say thank you Bon, for your willingness to be transparent and vulnerable, fir your humbke and passionate heart for the brokenness of His Body, and your holy boldness and obedience to ponder and pull these questions from the quiver, and shoot them into the air like arrows, taking aim at the very heart of all of us!

    Oh Abba! Search us through and through!
    What has been left in our wake???
    DO we pass the sniff test??? 🤔

    🍇🍊🍒🍍🍓🍋🍑🍐🍏🍎🥝🥭👀👃😳!😭

    🙏🤲💘💔💝💖💞🤲
    ☝️👑🙌🙌🙌💞

    1. Merri Trifiro says:

      aand for your uncanny ability to translate my typos and emojinese! 😬😜 Oy..😅😘

      1. Tekoa says:

        I love your typos. They make me feel better about all my bloopers. 😃😝

      2. Merri Trifiro says:

        💓

    2. Tekoa says:

      Thank you, Merri. These words mean much. It takes vulnerability to write and place your thoughts and heart out there for those to read. Passing the sniff test is hard. Hopefully, we get better with age and humility to be His Servant and offer Him the sacrifices of our hearts. Love you, Sister. You are strong and beautiful!

  2. Lisa Sargent says:

    I very relevant message in the times that we are living in!

    1. Tekoa says:

      Thank you, Lisa. I’m always amazed at your strength and love to care for others in the face of many uncertainties and your own health issues. I love you, Sister and cousin! Keep shining!

  3. JoAnne Stanley says:

    When the King is in your field, house, job, business it is a good day. He doesn’t come to condemn, wound, bruise us.

    one area here: One of your gifts has been in the arena of dream interpretation. Your study has accompanied that gift.
    You are careful and understand humility. Not only do you not have arrogance, this writing seems to show you as also not having confidence in your ‘place’…..
    Humility is tricky. And is not refusal to be seen.
    All of this is my musing over your reluctance to speak to Mr. Coverstone. Events according to his dreams are immanent. If you can offer insight based on your gift,?willingness to even be mistaken? Is not Father urging you to speak up? I have seen in the postings on line when someone posts their dream– you and another [perhaps Kisha] will offer a puzzle piece. No one assumes a more correct piece. It is Father who shows how puzzles fit together. Even our Bible has much that remains in puzzle form as we see His revealing of how many things are coming to pass. Is this not the case here with this pastor? Do you have a piece of the puzzle? Are there more nuances to what appears to be obvious in meaning[s]?
    As for where are the apostles and prophets?….this is elul. and mostly we deal with ourselves and that big picture question is put aside. [imho 🙂 ]
    In small measure I see where bloody horse dreams fit in here…..and I do surely see that you have hung the smaller pictures in the foyer and have cultivated that intimacy with Father.

    one more.
    Bonnie. You write because you must. Father has urged you on. Write for Him. The reaction or lack thereof is not because you ‘did something wrong.’ As for the ghosting you have experienced– because people’s lives have become overwhelming. They are dealing with their own lives as best they can in many instances. Write for Him. You KNOW [or at least I hope that you know] that even your small in number audience HAS been helped, taught and loved. And never forget this–there are seasons to all of it and sometimes that even involves friendships. We love with intensity and the person[s] remain loved even when not right under our wing–or our wing-man as before. You are not standing still no matter how it looks…..He sees to that!

    I for one am of Brad Scott Bill Cloud David Stern Batya Wooten Zorina Rawizer Hollisa Alewine Rico Cortes Dinah Dye Bonnie Manning Kisha Gallagher. You and I have some common links but I have never been of Skip Moen or Abraham Heschel. [at which point you roll your eyes and pity me for having missed out on some choice teachers LOL] None of the aforementioned are where we hang our hats or idolize. Praise God we were delivered from some of that!! And that some have had that happen to them is definitely pitiful as He….YHVH….alone is our G_d!! [Pity too the ones who are ‘in it’ for that idolization.] He paid for us and took the payment for our sins. I remember other[s] that were part of my journey too and I am thankful thankful to be delivered from those doctrines of demons carriers.

    I see with Merrie that you shoot arrows that cause thinking and reflection.–wise wise observation!!! your writings have that effect!!!

    And…you are transparent and you are humble. So ‘where is everybody?’ Right where Father can press in, call to them and they can find Him. Acts 17:26-27. The mourning in our hearts now can be too intense. Write for Him. Write to Him. The humans He gives you to know your particular touch and encouragement or teaching or hug or laugh or tear are enough. If the cost of writing or public ANYTHING is more bloody horses……will you put your love out there? will you deal with the precious with as much love as His Spirit can pour through you? I think the answer is ‘yes’….
    Back to elul. The King in your field is to let you know His love is for you. We prepare for our court date. We prepare for a Supper. all that is left many times is to bow before Him because His Spirit has given us the ointments and lye and fire and washings to be beautiful in His eyes.

    1. Tekoa says:

      JoAnne, I have read your words twice now and will more than likely read them again because they have wisdom and correction and much for me to meditate on.
      I see so much of what your saying and showing me how to look at the other side. The heart check. I’m trying weigh things more and of course I will always write for Him regardless of numbers or bloody horses. It’s part of my womb and I have to get things out. Express myself. I look for people who want to help me shine a flash light inside the heart cavity and chambers to see what’s in there and why we do things. Lately I’ve been reflecting on a world with no internet or computers. Of course we wouldn’t be conversing now without this technology but I am reminded of your duck, the birds, the trees, life outside our windows. Tangible people and regardless of Covid , we can spend more time in the quiet morning day. Listening for a still soft voice of the Father and not getting consumed with our knowledge, politics, etc. just more of Him and less of me. Even if that means my blogs or letters are just for my own cleansing.
      David wrote words so beautiful, I am sure it was only by the Father of glory his pen came. He did not write for book deals, followers or fame, he didn’t count likes or hearts or shares. His heart dropped ink and those ancient words bring me much comfort. I wonder if he knows that?
      I love you Sister. You bless me always!

  4. Jama Williams says:

    Thank you for posting Bonnie, I have been a victim of this same thing for many years, At the beginning of my marriage, I had a dream. I was in a bed sitting on a balcony, and a giant snake was trying to get through the boards on the floor. My husband was standing on the ground were the snake was and was telling me where to move to escape from the snake . We have snakes in our lives ,representing lies. Sometimes a group of people that keep the snake growing by feediing those lies to other people.
    We have to keep moving, not letting the snake get through the cracks of our soul. I rest now, after 42 years of this type of abuse that destroyed me mentally about 20 years ago.
    I dont let the snake in ,I rest in Jesus ! Satan only has as much power as we give him…Lots of love to you!

    1. Tekoa says:

      Oh, friend, I have thought of you often and your recent heart attack. I pray your grandchildren are doing well and you are feeling better. We had such a good time meeting you and your husband and listening to your testimonies and your strength and courage. I hope to catch up soon. It’s been very busy here. Lots of company and 25 ppl here last night for a family gathering to see my sister off to Nevada.
      I think your dream is right on point. Eagles eat snakes for dinner. Be an eagle!
      Love you, Sister!

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