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My Funeral Plans


A very peculiar thing began creeping into my brain a few months ago–something a person just shy of 50 years young doesn’t think about much unless they are terminally ill or just received a death sentence. Yes, the big D, and I don’t mean divorce. Death started creeping up on me when I was living at my dad’s house, and my husband and I were frantically looking for a home—somewhere to put down roots—a place to call our own.

where you will move, “Cemetery Road.” Now, I had been very sick there and hospitalized five times and lost the use of my right arm for a bit. I wasn’t sleeping well, and I was often short of breath. The dream gave me the creeps and made me realize I had to move. We landed in an apartment and are still waiting for a “Then suddenly.” But it seems after that, death began to be something I pondered and not in a dark way but just a way that made me think more about our travels here.

Who would I want to speak at my funeral? What type of music or band would I like to have? Could I have a buffet and drinks and laughter, dancing, and storytelling at my wake? Why not. And what would people say about my few and difficult years here? Did my life matter? Did it have worth? Did it help change or encourage any? Have you ever pondered your life in this manner?

Later on, the thoughts began to snowball until one evening, months later, I was sitting at my sister’s, and her daughter, who has a fantastic voice, began to blurt out a song that I treasure. I suddenly say, “Can you sing that and play the piano at my funeral?” She looks at me like the odd nut job I am and says, “I guess, but you’re not dying.” And that’s when my spiritual light bulb went off.

Yes, death is something we ALL must do while we are alive if we want to live forever. Read that last line again and let it sink in. Suddenly, I had this thought, “Just go ahead and die. Get it over with.” Trust me, in the long run–it will save us from many things and many troubles.

“You people don’t know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am about to drink?” They said to him, “We can.” He said to them, “Yes, you will drink my cup” (Matthew 20:22-23).

They drank it, alright. Peter was crucified upside down. Eusebius claimed that Paul was beheaded at the order of the Roman emperor Nero or one of his subordinates. They were beheaded, boiled, stabbed, stoned, and Bartholomew was skinned alive and then beheaded. No binding and yelling at Satan–no angels came and rescued John the Baptist, he lost his head. No bright lights and escaping from the cup, they all drank, even John the beloved. But I am talking about a different death.

What if we all died to our fleshly wants and needs. What if we Died to the dreams we have–Die to pride—riches and material wealth—die to accolades of men and titles–die to fame and esteem. Die to control, addiction, backbiting, and being right about our opinions, religious knowledge, and political brilliance and just go ahead and die as Jesus/Yeshua did after fasting 40 days and being tempted in every arena. What if, for a moment, we were only left with what we had obtained in the spirit?
Anyone who was ever anybody great died to live. Joseph did. Moses did. King David did. Ruth did.

What’s the best way to commit suicide? We can die the quickest route by lying on the altar and becoming a living sacrifice. I had a dream last year that involved my mother, who has passed away in the natural. She and my father and I were at a booth in a café, and while we were there, I raised my leg on the table, pulled up my pant leg, and showed them my leg, which had hair the length of a horse’s mane. ‘I said, look how long I have been fasting.” Now, we know this is something we do in secret. I am bringing it up to teach a little. What do we fast for? Job promotions, success, material possessions, a growing ministry, fame, fortune, harmony, great blessings on our seed, and so forth, or to meet the adversary in the desert and be tempted in all points and have our flesh die?
I need to die thinking I’m not beautiful. That I am not worthy of love or fulfillment. I need to die to the idea of thinking I am not good enough to fulfill my assignment. I need to die to comparing myself to others. I need to die to the addiction of man pleasing and not being able to say, no.

I feel the need to just go ahead like Isaac, who was said to be 37 years old. Yeshua was 33 years old when he went up a hill with his dad to be a sacrifice. Add the numbers together, and you get 70. Seventy bulls were sacrificed for the 70 nations during Sukkot. Add one on the 8th day for Israel. Isaac said, “father, I think you better tie me down because what if I, out of instinct, raise up or move and the knife does not go in.”

“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death” (Revelations 12:11).

Shrink from death? We need power to stand and face death until the last little twinge of pride is buried. The last little twig is snapped. Until we see our brothers and sisters from all nations and backgrounds as having worth, knowledge, something we could glean from. Life. a precious world filled with souls that carry the divine spark of humanity.

“Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).

Many unique qualities reside in dead people. Dead people don’t care about what they look like or vanity. Dead people don’t care about their Ph.D.’s. Dead people don’t get offended. You can kick a deceased person, and they won’t even rear up and kick you back. Dead people don’t gossip, and they aren’t prideful. They have no desire to build a kingdom here. They’re dead.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8.
If so, then the Gift Giver is going to do surgery on our hearts. He will get in there and examine every piece of the stinking flesh that needs cut away.

So I was thinking about this funeral party, and I have decided I’d rather die here than die forever. I’d rather face death now than lose the glory and everlasting life. I need the surgeon to get His scalpel out and begin cutting away the flesh. Because I am looking forward to the day, I rise up, and although I know every knee will bow, I do not want to hear him say, “Go away, I never knew you.”
So I thought about “that day” when we will rise up at the last Trump and about one of the songs I requested my niece to sing. I’ve tweaked the words a bit by Andra Day. I hope you like it.

“You’re broken down and tired.
Of living life on a merry-go-round
And you can’t find the fighter.
But I see HIM in you, so the Holy Spirit’s gonna walk it out.
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out.
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day.
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again.
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the GRAVE
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again.
For you [4x]
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe.
And I know you feel like dying, and dying brings ultimate peace.
But I promise we’ll humbly bow at HIS feet.
And move mountains
Bring it to HIS feet.
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day.
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again!


Photo by wicker willow coffins

9 thoughts on “My Funeral Plans

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  1. LOVE this post! Is that morbid, lol? Die to live or live to die; I pick the former, but it is a very real battle with my flesh! (:

    Also, your dream intrigued me. Was the hair on your leg really like a horses mane or was that writer’s exaggeration? Fasting is taming the beast/flesh within, so it wasn’t just about the length of the fast, but your flesh submitting to the Spirit. And it was your lower leg– your walk and your beast of burden (flesh)– there was noticeable change! Amen! I’m always amazed by the metaphors that God uses in our dreams. (:

  2. I really need to call you or answer your last email! I need to find you on Facebook and add you to my dream and interpretation site.
    I fell asleep last night reading your newest blog on submitting.
    Getting ready to grab a cup and finish up.
    I have some crazy dreams. Love the fact that the Creator of all things would give us riddles in our sleep! How cool is that?

  3. I got out my dream book and I was mistaken on the date. It seems I dreamed this in 2014, but yes, it looked draped over like a horses mane. Probably 5 inches or so? Im really bad with math. lol

  4. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about death. Perhaps because I lost my favorite people so early in childhood. Or perhaps I began volunteering in nursing homes at age 14 – was a nurse aide for five years and a registered nurse for 37-years. I have seen death, smelled death, shared death, grieved and mourned death with my beloved patients, their families and friends. I used to attend all their funerals but it got to be too much . . . I know what my obit will say, I know where my body will lie but the real me will be far beyond this world (which is not my home.)
    Bless you in your work and may you bring new life to an old fear.

    1. My beautiful friend and cousin. I know you have seen death up close and personal and what a blessing it must have been to have you for a caregiver in someone’s last days– hours– I can’t think of a sweeter soul to wipe a brow or speak a kind word. I love you dearly!

  5. I love you too! I love your books! Wow! I wish I could help promote them but because I didn’t buy them on Amazon or Good reads, I am not allowed to review them. Too bad, I would give them 5 stars. Thank you for being your wonderful self!

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