Hope Deferred & Desire Fulfilled

This blog was penned in 2014. Ironically, I opened it today on my dear friends birthday not knowing it was written about her.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12).

 We often wait patiently for certain things to transpire or come to pass. Unfortunately, at times, the things we hope for, long for, and cry out to the Holy One for do not materialize or happen when we feel they should. Occasionally, they do not happen at all. Sometimes, God withholds the desire of our hearts until we are mature enough to handle them, and other times, he waits until the circumstances are like Lazarus, a stinking, rotting mess. When children are given everything, they want whenever they want, it makes for selfish ungrateful adults. When little Sally owns a toy box full of dolls, one more is not that big of a deal, but go to places of poverty in Appalachia and give a little girl there a doll, and she will never leave it tossed on the floor. No, she will treat it like gold.

Something happened this week that spoke volumes of hope into my spirit. It may seem like a small thing to the readers here, but for me, it was a great blessing. Almost a year ago (December 2013), I wrote a letter to an English professor who had changed my life. She was the first person who ever told me I could write. I entered college at 30, unsure of myself and a tad self-conscious of my age and knowledge. I had just acquired my G.E.D., and I had just gotten out of an abusive marriage. Glancing around the classroom at the much younger pupils next to me left me, at times, intimidated. However, this professor began to speak into my life words that would forever change its course.

This woman, whom I’ll call Jo, encouraged me to enter a poetry contest that I surprisingly won. She often inspired me and reassured me to keep running my race. When I would feel like dropping out of school or giving up, Jo would give me hope. A few years later, I had grown too sick to finish school. I was much too ill to work and had lost all hope. As I lay for days at a time with muscle spasms, weakness, and slurring my speech, I only had one thing left that I could do, and that was ultimately the thing I was created to do: write. 

Some days, my cognitive issues were too foggy to articulate words. Still, on other days, I’d lay a laptop on my belly and peck away at the keys until I eventually had several books underway. This is where I want to talk to you about delayed hope. After publishing Walter the Homeless Man, I wrote a letter to my English Professor and enclosed my novel. I was sure she would be pleased and call me with the number I had left her or perhaps send a card, a note, some token of admiration, but nothing came.

Months went by, and I had forgotten about contacting her and sending the book. After all, it had been a few years since I had seen her in person. At this point, I had given up hope of her ever responding. I was shattered by my first book release in 2013, Polishing Jade, because after my husband sent a picture of me holding my first novel out to many via text, it was met with crickets. No applause, no congratulations, just mostly silence at a birth. I felt so rejected, and we had no experience in marketing, so mostly no books were sold. I questioned my gift. I felt shattered and had lost all hope. Why continue writing? I had no support, and I did not feel like I was good enough.

Certain people in the Bible stand out more than others when it comes to hope being delayed. There was a young woman named Hannah who was crying out for a child but continued to stay barren. Joseph was waiting for the Cup Bearer to remember his dream interpretation and bring him out of prison. Waiting for what we hope for at times is lingeringly difficult.

And so almost a year passed until two days ago when my husband brought me a card with a two-page handwritten letter from my professor, who had a doctorate in English literature. My novel was sent to the wrong campus and placed in a mailbox that rarely gets checked. The words Jo wrote in this letter were worth more to me than gold. Her words were so powerful and such a blessing that even trying to read the letter to my husband was so emotional I had to stop several times, blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and regain my composure. That night, I laid in bed rereading the words Jo had sent, and it is now that I want to share a small portion of her letter with you:

“English teachers are not allowed to say, “I can’t find the words to express my thoughts or emotions.” We are supposed to espouse that there are always words to express a thought, an idea, and an image, and the challenge is for the writer to discover the language to capture the ideas. The sign of an accomplished writer is to use language to express emotion and ideas as artfully as an artist uses a brush. In my case now, however, I am finding it difficult to discover the language to express my admiration and excitement about your writing and your book and your exceptional accomplishment“.  She went on to say,

 “Of course, I read your book immediately when I finally connected with the package. The plot is engaging to the point that I didn’t want to stop reading in anticipation of what would happen next. The plot is so meticulously designed to connect all the main strings, the subplots, and the major and minor characters, and it all works really well. And how wonderful, that it is Christian! … I am sure that you are not interested in a critique from me, but I want you to know how proud I am of your book.”

And there it was! I was more interested in her critique than anyone else because she was the reason I had found the courage to pick up a brush and paint a picture with words. At that moment, I thought, “Would her letter have been this sweet if it had come right after I sent the book?  And would she have taken the extra time and care she did with her letter if my package had not been misplaced?” Would Samuel have meant as much to Hannah if God immediately filled her womb with life right when she asked for a child? Would Sarah and Abraham have had such admiration for a child that came when they expected it? No, it’s never as special.

 I must say that whatever you aspire to do with the talents God has given you, when that moment happens, it is a special occasion.

My husband and I often compare my books to babies. Babies need named, clothed, and bring great joy. Shortly after my novel Walter the Homeless Man was published, my husband had a dream, and in his dream, he and I were pushing a baby stroller through an area of town. While there, we ran into some neighbors he knew. We were with some of our family members, and Jeff, like most proud fathers, said to the neighbors, “This is my new baby!” On saying this, one of his family members went to pick up the baby to show it to the neighbors and dropped it on its head. They tried to recover and grasped at the baby again, but unfortunately, it slipped out of their hands a second time and hit the pavement, fracturing its skull and bleeding. Our family member was horrified and kept saying they were sorry and that they didn’t mean to drop our baby. My husband said that in his dream, he immediately picked up the infant and began to hold it, cover it, and pray over its head.

             Recently, I, too, had a dream. My husband and I were pushing a baby in a stroller again, but we had the baby covered up this time with a blanket. The blanket was covering our baby’s face, and we were acting embarrassed to show off our new little arrival. We were acting very self-conscious in my dream about our baby. The Father seemed to say, “Pass out cigars, open champagne, blow party streamers, and be excited about the baby I placed in your womb, for he has arrived!”

Often, when you give birth to something, the dream God has given you is not held by others as tightly. The purpose of the birth, at times, isn’t even revealed until much later. Like Joseph’s dreams he spoke of to his siblings, these dreams come crashing down around us, and the awe and admiration we expect to come from others falls to the ground. But ultimately, God has a timing. Yes, He has His timing, and we have ours. His ways are not our ways. Even the Messiah was hidden for a season.

Joseph needed two more years in prison to become humble enough to spare and save his brothers who threw him in a pit. Ultimately Joseph and his dream interpretations would save a people.

Hannah needed to reach the point where the gift of a son would selflessly be given back to the Holy One. The child Samuel, then could be used as a mighty voice, a prophet to anoint kings, and to bring holiness. Sarah and Abraham had given up hope on a child. They even tried to birth their own baby, but Ishmael, the son of a slave, could never be Isaac, the son of a promise. Isaac means laughter and joy. Are you waiting on a promise? Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Joy is what comes when the PROMISE comes to fruition.

And so it is with things we have waited for, “One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet” Proverbs 27:7.

And as I held that letter in my hand from Doctor Jo, a literary scholar, it suddenly didn’t matter who had not come to the hospital, looked through the glass and said, “What a beautiful baby!”  My professor’s words had made up for all the silence. The letter came when I needed it most, and from the exact person I needed to hear it from to gain confidence in the gift God has given me.

Are you in the process of giving birth? Has the Father ever given you a promise? Are you waiting for something, and it just seems never to come, or worse, when it arrives, no one seems joyous? Mark my word; some shepherds were watching their flocks by night, and they were very joyous of the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes. They may not have been who others expected to be there, but they were who God sent.

I don’t know what your birthing in your spirit, but I know it is precious to the Father, and I know that He will ultimately send you mentors, midwives, and a covering for your purpose. “A man’s gift opens doors for him and brings him before great men” (Proverbs 18:16, BSB). Your hope deferred may be to see a loved one Born again and living a holy, happy life. Maybe you want to see a child hooked on drugs set free, a marriage healed, a family whole, or a new idea for ministry coming to fruition… Keep nourishing your dreams Joseph and keep praying over them.

Do you know someone who is pregnant or just gave birth to a baby? Speak life, joy, and encouragement into the gift the Holy One has given them, and it will come back to you. A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray” (Proverbs 25:11).  

Happy Birthday, Jo! July 26, 2024

If you would like to read Walter, you can purchase it here at my shop or on Amazon in kindle, paperback and audio. Keep scrolling to read what some readers thought about the novel. Click HERE

 

 

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Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2023