Many blogs were lost when we launched our new website. I experienced a difficult ordeal with pneumonia in January, and now I am trying to republish the blogs that I found valuable and healing. I apologize for any repetitions.
“This blog was written in 2014. Ironically, I opened it today, which is my dear friend’s birthday, without realizing that it was about her.
‘Delayed hope makes the heart sick, but fulfilled desire is a tree of life’ (Proverbs 13:12).
We often wait patiently for certain things to happen or come to pass. Unfortunately, there are times when the things we hope for, long for, and cry out to the Holy One for do not materialize or arrive when we feel they should. Sometimes, they may not happen at all.
Sometimes, God withholds the desires of our hearts until we are mature enough to handle them. Other times, He waits until our circumstances resemble a stinking, rotting mess like that of Lazarus. When children are given everything they want, whenever they want it, they tend to grow into selfish, ungrateful adults. Consider little Sally who owns a toy box full of dolls; one more doll isn’t a big deal for her. However, if you give a little girl in a poverty-stricken area of Appalachia a doll, she will cherish it like gold instead of leaving it tossed on the floor.
Something happened this week that spoke volumes of hope into my spirit. It may seem like a small thing to others, but for me, it was a significant blessing. Almost a year ago, in December 2013, I wrote a letter to an English professor who changed my life. She was the first person to ever tell me that I could write. I entered college at 30, feeling unsure of myself and a bit self-conscious about my age and knowledge. Having just acquired my G.E.D. and recently coming out of an abusive marriage, I often felt intimidated by the much younger students in my class. However, this professor began encouraging me with words that would forever alter my life’s course.
I’ll refer to her as Jo. She encouraged me to enter a poetry contest, which I surprisingly won. Jo consistently inspired me and reassured me to keep pushing forward. When I considered dropping out of school or giving up, Jo would infuse me with hope. A few years later, I became too sick to finish my studies. I was unable to work and felt completely hopeless. As I lay for days with muscle spasms, weakness, and slurred speech, the only thing I could hold onto was writing, the very thing I was created to do.
On some days, my cognitive difficulties made it too hard to articulate my thoughts. Yet on other days, I would place a laptop on my belly and type away until I made progress on several books. This brings me to the subject of delayed hope. After publishing my book, “Walter the Homeless Man,” I wrote a letter to my English professor and enclosed a copy of my novel. I was certain she would be pleased and would either call me at the number I provided or send a card—a token of admiration. But nothing came.
Months went by, and I nearly forgot about sending her the book. After all, it had been a few years since I had last seen her in person. At this point, I had lost all hope of her responding. My heart ached from the silence surrounding my first book release, “Polishing Jade,” in 2013. After my husband sent a picture of me holding my first novel to some family members via text, it met with silence—no applause, no congratulations—just crickets. I felt rejected and struggled with marketing, resulting in very few books sold. I questioned my talent and felt utterly shattered. Why continue writing? I felt unsupported, and my self-doubt crept in.
Certain people in the Bible exemplify delayed hope. There was Hannah, who cried out for a child but remained barren, and Joseph, who waited for the Cup Bearer to remember his dream interpretation and set him free from prison. Waiting for what we hope for can be incredibly challenging.
Then, almost a year later, two days ago, my husband handed me a card containing a two-page handwritten letter from my professor, who holds a doctorate in English literature. It turned out that my novel had been sent to the wrong campus and placed in a mailbox that seldom gets checked. The words Jo wrote in her letter were worth more to me than gold. They were so powerful and uplifting that I struggled to read them to my husband without breaking down in emotion. That night, I lay in bed rereading her words, and I feel compelled to share a small portion of her letter with you:
“English teachers are not allowed to say, “I can’t find the words to express my thoughts or emotions.” We are supposed to espouse that there are always words to express a thought, an idea, and an image, and the challenge is for the writer to discover the language to capture the ideas. The sign of an accomplished writer is to use language to express emotion and ideas as artfully as an artist uses a brush. In my case now, however, I am finding it difficult to discover the language to express my admiration and excitement about your writing and your book and your exceptional accomplishment“. She went on to say,
“Of course, I read your book immediately when I finally connected with the package. The plot is engaging to the point that I didn’t want to stop reading in anticipation of what would happen next. The plot is so meticulously designed to connect all the main strings, the subplots, and the major and minor characters, and it all works really well. And how wonderful, that it is Christian! … I am sure that you are not interested in a critique from me, but I want you to know how proud I am of your book.”
And there it was! I was more interested in her critique than anyone else’s because she was the reason I had found the courage to pick up a brush and paint a picture with words. In that moment, I thought, “Would her letter have been as sweet if it had come right after I sent the book? And would she have taken the extra time and care with her letter if my package hadn’t been misplaced?” Would Samuel have meant as much to Hannah if God had immediately filled her womb with life when she asked for a child? Would Sarah and Abraham have had such admiration for a child that came when they expected it? No, it’s never quite as special.
I must say, whatever you aspire to do with the talents God has given you, when that moment arrives, it is a truly special occasion.
My husband and I often compare my books to babies. They need to be named, cared for, and they bring great joy. Shortly after my novel, Walter the Homeless Man, was published, my husband had a dream. In this dream, we were pushing a baby stroller through a part of town, where we encountered some neighbors he knew. Along with some family members, Jeff, like most proud fathers, exclaimed to the neighbors, “See our new baby!” At that moment, one person tried to pick up the baby to show it off but accidentally dropped it on its head. They attempted to catch it again, but unfortunately, it slipped from their hands a second time, hitting the pavement and fracturing its skull. Our family members were horrified, repeatedly apologizing, saying they didn’t mean to drop our baby. In the dream, my husband immediately picked up the infant, held it close, covered it, and prayed over it.
Recently, I had a dream myself. My husband and I were pushing a baby in a stroller again, but this time the baby was covered with a blanket over its face, we felt self-conscious about revealing our new little arrival. In the dream, I felt the Father say, “Pass out cigars, blow party streamers, and celebrate the baby I placed in your womb, for he has arrived!”
Often, when we give birth to new beginnings, opportunities, or experiences, the dream God has given us isn’t always appreciated by others. The purpose of these new beginnings may not even be fully revealed until much later. Like Joseph’s dreams that he shared with his siblings, these dreams can sometimes come crashing down, leading to disappointment when we don’t receive the awe and admiration we expect from others. Yet ultimately, God’s timing prevails. His ways are not our ways. Even the Messiah was hidden for a season.
Joseph needed two more years in prison to grow humble enough to spare and save his brothers, and ultimately, a nation. Hannah had to reach the point where she would selflessly give the gift of her son back to the Holy One. The child Samuel was then able to become a mighty voice, a prophet who anointed kings and brought holiness. Sarah and Abraham had lost hope of having a child and even tried to bring about their own legacy through Ishmael, the son of a slave. However, Ishmael could never be Isaac, the son of the promise. Isaac means laughter and joy. Are you waiting on a promise? Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Joy arises when the promise comes to fruition.
In our waiting, “One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry, even what is bitter tastes sweet” (Proverbs 27:7).
When I held that letter in my hand from Doctor Jo, a scholar of words, I suddenly realized it didn’t matter who hadn’t come to the hospital to look through the glass and say, “What a beautiful baby!” My professor’s words made up for all the silence. The letter came at the moment I needed it most and from exactly the person who could restore my confidence in the gift God has given me.
Are you in the process of giving birth to a dream? Has the Father made a promise to you? Are you waiting for something that seems never to come, or worse, when it does arrive, no one seems joyful? Mark my words: there were shepherds watching their flocks by night, and they were filled with joy at the sight of the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes. They may not have been who others expected to be present, but they were the ones God sent.
I don’t know what you are nurturing in your spirit, but I know it is precious to the Father. He will ultimately provide you with mentors, midwives, and covering for your purpose. “A man’s gift opens doors for him and brings him before great men” (Proverbs 18:16, BSB). Your hope deferred may mean awaiting a loved one to be born again and living a holy, happy life. Perhaps you long to see a child freed from addiction, a marriage healed, a family restored, or a new ministry idea come to fruition. Keep nourishing your dreams, Joseph, and keep praying over them.
Do you know someone who is pregnant or has just given birth? Speak life, joy, and encouragement into the gift that the Holy One has given them, and it will come back to you.
“A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray” (Proverbs 25:11).
Happy Birthday, Jo! July 26, 2024.