I woke up the Monday before my birthday in March and told Chief that although it was not my birthday (Wednesday), I wanted to celebrate it that day because, health-wise, it was a pretty good morning.
The day did not disappoint. I had not left the house in over a week, so the car ride with the windows down was beautiful. We crossed the river with the boats sailing, and I drank it all in like a kid with a milkshake.
I had my heart set on Mexican because guacamole is one of my favorites, but as we were about to pull into the parking lot, Chief pointed at tables with umbrellas by the river, a seafood place. Soon, we had a front-row seat, and dolphins danced on the water in front of us. We learned that the restaurant offers a five-mile tour of an island with manatees, dolphins, and tropical birds. We decided to do that another day because I was still pretty weak.
While waiting for food, we struck up a conversation with a lady visiting from Colorado. She was lovely, and it was delightful to speak with another human after being home bound for months. I’m thankful we had a day of fun on Monday because, on the eve of my birthday, I had a gastroparesis episode that lasted all night.
I’ve been editing my friend Landra’s book, a diary/memoir. Everyone who knew Landra misses her dearly, including me.
Landra knew what a death certificate looked like while living. We are flowers quickly fading.
Landra understood living for the moment— moment by moment and with purpose.
While reading Landra’s journal for August 2011, she started the entry by writing loving words about her husband, Charlie. She said her son asked if they could celebrate Dad’s birthday that day. They had already celebrated the month before, as Charlie was born in July. My response to this question when my children were little would have been, “Sons, we already did that last month!” but Landra was much wiser and said yes!
Paraphrasing:
“Gabe, yes, of course, we can celebrate the life of your dad again; his birth and life are worth it. At the end of her entry for that day, Landra said, “Charlie, I hope you enjoy your cake!”
And if I know Landra, it was homemade!
Back to dolphins, sunshine, and joyful moments. We must enjoy these when possible because LIFE IS VERY LONG AND SHORT.
Life is full of sorrow and joy—pain and healing—trials and breakthroughs. The pain that night on my birthday was taking my breath away. They say birth is a traumatic experience for both baby and mother in certain situations. This trauma can be locked inside the baby until it can be worked out. Soothing mothers, breast milk, cuddling, rocking, singing, all the ingredients the mother longs for, she gives to her young infant.
Every so often, and especially the older I get, I try to remember being a child. What my childhood experiences were like. How my lifespan has brought me to this moment and all my experiences, and people who have helped mold and shape me into the person I am, and its surreal to be in that moment knowing that you are alive.
— all night on my birthday, I was in pain. Have you ever? Of course you have and pain has all different titles and forms and lands on all different days. Support groups help you know that you’re not alone. I know I’m never alone, but when we share in the sufferings of others and we’ve actually experienced the same pain, we have greater empathy and a vibration— words carrying weight. I’ve never lost a child, but if I had, I would want to listen to someone express this with me that knew the depth of my sorrow–the weight of my grief, Job. Yeshua knew all sorrow and temptation. ( Hebrews 4).
I went to my support group at midnight and again at 4 am.
Gastroparesis does not care about birthdays or any celebrations. Gastroparesis waits for no one. The pain is mentally draining. A person can only take so much pain until their body is tired of fighting. Anyone who has ever suffered from health issues knows what it’s like to be in a boxing ring. However, I think it’s no mistake I edited that portion of Landra’s diary the day before my birthday. And it’s no mistake that many of Leandra’s words comforted me through my own sufferings. Landra lives on. Landra is still preaching the Good News.
We have finally formatted and chiseled down her 1,000-page journal. It will go to editing soon, leaving Landra’s voice untouched. Hopefully, this book will be available by Pentecost/Shavuot.
Life is precious. Do something you’ve never done before. Do something that is out of your comfort zone. And remember if you have suffered and feel as if you’ve lost all things, Paul speaks the same words in Philippians, but he also leaves his readers with encouragement.
“But whatever things were gain to me, these I have considered as loss for the sake of the Messiah. More than that, I consider all things to be loss in comparison to the surpassing value of the knowledge of Messiah Yeshua my Lord. Because of Him, I have suffered the loss of all things; and I consider them garbage in order that I might gain Messiah and be found in Him not having my righteousness derived from Torah, but one that is through trusting in Messiah—the righteousness from God based on trust. My aim is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the sharing of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death— if somehow I might arrive at the resurrection from among the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or been perfected, but I press on if only I might take hold of that for which Messiah Yeshua took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself as having taken hold of this. But this one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for the reward of the upward calling of God in Messiah Yeshua.”
Happy Birthday. Today, you are alive! Make a cake—light candles. Celebrate your birthday whether anyone else does. Celebrate it on days when you feel like it. You are still LIVING! Celebrate becoming like Him in death! Celebrate being born anew. Celebrate suffering because it’s doing a work in you that will leave a fragrance!
Blessings,
Tekoa
You can order Landra’s book HERE
Interesting